The continuing story of ...
morty was growing tired of space. he wanted to punch random people, like he did in the old days.
Morty did a good job concealing his surprise. Indeed he did much better than Mr Oddly Wonderful, who hardly seemed interested in concealing a thing as he threw his monocle to the solar winds. In several swift movements, Mr Oddly Wonderful was clad in little more than a bowler hat and a spiked leather g-string.
"Hold this while I put on my nipple shields, please" and morty was passed the tea-trolley. Morty found that his sparse atomic structure could not take grip of it. Morty tried to catch it, but to no avail, he followed it down as it spiralled into the hydrogenous maelstrom of the sun. With a dread cold feeling in his mind's spine he watched the trolley be torn apart by an infinite storming mass of atoms. He shed a single, instantly vaporised tear. The gelatinous tea on his roots was bubbling.
Morty was so busy thrusting his essence into the sun that he nearly failed to notice a tea service floating by until it almost hit him. He also felt a little embarrassed once he realized that the tea service had a man attached. What's done is done, thought Morty, then he did the only thing one really can do when caught thrusting into something, change the subject and pretend it didn't happen.
"Er, hello," said Morty.
"Hello, old sap," said the man in the tuxedo. "Would you like a cup? It has chilled a bit I'm afraid."
"Yes, that would be lovely," answered Morty who didn't care for tea, but still felt mortified about the sun-thrusting.
Morty wound his roots under the tea service to form a table and stool for the tuxedoed man. "I'm Morty," he said.
"Yes, I'm Mr. Oddly Wonderful. Someone has poured gelatin into the tea and now that it has cooled, it has become tragically thick." Then Mr. Oddly Wonderful set to work scooping tea out of the kettle with a teaspoon and plopping the chunks into a cup. "One lump or two?"
Mr. Oddly Wonderful scooped some sugar out of the bowl and dropped it onto the quivering pile of tea in the cup, then handed it to the tree.
"Er, I don't really have a proper mouth, sir," said Morty.
Mr. Oddly Wonderful looked at him blankly for a moment, then said, "Oh Right! Of course." Then he took out a butter knife and began scooping out the tea and spreading it ineffectually over Morty's roots, which Morty found exceedingly unpleasant.
"Thank you, Mr. Oddly...Wonderful? But I was just wondering what brings you out into the void."
"Well, I've heard (and this may just be a rumor) that the sun is a bit of a slut," replied Mr. Oddly Wonderful.
morty found that his focus was waning. he summoned his thoughts around his core and thrust it into a nearby sun. now it was warm and tingly! he jiggled slightly. space was so cold and comfortable.
Tactile color merged with delusions of grandeur, and Morty's undeniable urge to live merged with an urge to give, give something solid to the ectoplasmic kiss........the fleshy symposium of love, light, and groove.
Bloody power. Focus was paramount.
Morty had no time for gin. Nor any earthly trappings. He was now a creature of pure light, a collection of photons. He radiated through space, rapidly expanding, yet keeping within him a core of identity. Some day he would encompass the galaxy, then things would change. Already the solar system was within his radiant girth and he slowly exerted his will over it. Pluto would be the new Mars. Mars was a has-been and in need of purging. Uranus was his friend, Morty would make it emperor of all planets.
meanwhile, the oxford dictionary cried into it's glass of gin.
Unfortunately, Sandford had no way of knowing what was about to happen next. Morty himself didn't know, even though it would be him who would be the purpotrator of such a vile and disgraceful act.
It was as if Morty's mind became hostage to a stagnant force of undescribably pulchritudal and destructive chaos. He lashed a thick branch of solid oak out towards Sandford's forehead. Just as he struck, his branch twisted and curled around the back of Sandford's head, lifting him up and hurling him into outer space, but not before his brain was turned to goo from the force of Morty's branch.
Morty was mortified, yet felt an incredible sense of acheivement. He decided to put his days of teaching behind him. In his future lay death, destruction and mayhem. He felt a shiver of excitement in his bladder as he realised his new purpose in life. And life flowed through him like a pack of electric eels through a stream of freshly spilt blood.
no it didn't
"Yes..." Benji stammered, "You're my grandpa's mistress."
"I was, yes, I was," her eyes glazed over as she rememebered those distant happy days, about a week previously, before the oompa loompas came, before the Hamsters took up white slavery, before she'd become a prostitute, before she'd met Panchetta, the robotic space moose, and before Dan and Ash had come uncermoniously into her life.
She had been stripping for a client, and Panchetta had carried on her back, concealed in a potato sack, two inebriated human men. She stood up off the floor, put the floor stripping materials away and grabbed the client by the scruff until he coughed up 2 bits. After she'd seen him off she'd followed Panchetta into the backroom, and peeped curiously into the potato sack. Now she worked double tricks to support Dan and Ash's partying habits, but she loved them like they were her own children.
Benji cleared his throat and covered his nudity with one of Wallace's ears.
"Hey, do you want some clothes? You're creeping me out," came a voice from one of the darker corners.
Dan came forward, clothed brilliantly in Hamster furs and wearing a crown they'd found when they were raiding the palace for goods. He provided Benji with a fur leisure suit and Ash brought an armload of booze and invited in the many topless women he'd moved in with in the backroom.
"Space Moose! We celebrate! Give us some noise!" Dan declared.
Panchetta shook her butt and produced a delightful medly of porno tunes.
It was the happiest night Benji could remember in a long time. Even Wallace danced.